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I remember well my first day at a maximum-security facility. I had volunteered to help with a summer school program there, and I knew God was waiting for me. Still, I found it unnerving to hear the sound of gates clanging shut behind me and to walk past the tough-looking inmates.
Once I got to know the men who attended my classes, though, I discovered that they had adopted the tough façade for their own safety in prison. Underneath, they were kind, appreciative, gifted, and eager to learn. I encountered God in them, especially as I listened to their wrenching life stories. I also saw that my mere act of listening brought them hope and made God’s presence more real to them.
That summer changed my life. Eventually, it led me into full-time ministry with prisoners, ex-prisoners, and their families. And in all these situations, I discovered the same basic need for what I call a ministry of presence—a heart-to-heart attentiveness that brings the hope of Christ to people who live behind bars of loneliness and isolation.
Presence to Prisoners. When God led me to become a prison chaplain for four institutions, I learned how much prisoners need hope. I was in the prisons all day, meeting inmates, some with life sentences, and spending time with people in the restricted-housing units.
Sometimes, I had to tell inmates that a loved one was dying or deceased; I grieved with them that they could not travel to say that last good-bye or be with family. I empathized with those who worried about their children, marriages, and other close relationships. They felt so limited in what they could do; guilt often overpowered them and beckoned them to despair.
A ministry of presence was vital for hope—not just my presence but also that of the volunteers who helped with religious services, Bible studies, and other groups and outreaches. Together with the prisoners who participated in these programs, we created a close community of brothers and sisters caring for one another.
The Sufferings of Families. In this new ministry I had embraced, I learned that families of prisoners need a ministry of presence, too. Just recently, after hearing me give a talk, a woman slipped quietly beside me and whispered, “My granddaughter is in prison.” My heart wept for the girl, as I heard the story of how her life came apart when she began using drugs. But I wept, too, for this grieving grandmother.
“I’m afraid to talk about this with my friends,” she told me. I could understand her fears. I have often seen prisoners’ family members ostracized and judged by the very friends and neighbors whose support they need so badly. I have met children of prisoners who were taunted by classmates when their secret was revealed.
Sometimes, the rejection comes from family members. I think of Susan (all names have been changed), who told me that her husband reluctantly drives her to visit their grandson in prison, but waits in the car while she goes inside. She feels alone, unsupported, overwhelmed.
There are financial hardships as well. As I saw during my first eight years in prison ministry, when I was visiting prisoners’ families, many were dealing with a lower household income. Then, too, there was the high cost of collect phone calls from incarcerated loved ones and the expense of travel to often distant prisons.
I witnessed the even more costly emotional losses, especially for the children. I’ll never forget the sight of little Tommy, leaving his father after a prison visit. “I want my daddy,” he cried, tears trickling down his face as his mother pulled him along.
So many suffer when a loved one is behind bars. So many need a word of hope.
The Difference Hope Makes. My eyes were opened to the power of Christian hope and presence one November, when I brought donated groceries and Thanksgiving turkeys to two families of prisoners. Both lived in the same gloomy housing project.
My first visit was to Sarah, a haggard-looking mother who seemed much older than her years. Three crying children, roaches in abundance, stove burners lit for heat, and holes in walls with peeling paint—everything told of the despair to which poverty can lead. We talked, and I listened with my heart. My gifts of presence and food gave Sarah a morsel of hope: She was not alone.
By contrast, hope was already at work in the second home I visited that day. The prisoner’s wife, Amy, showed me around her apartment and pointed out how she covered the depressing walls with plants and pictures of her two children. They were in school, and Amy was continuing her own education to help her family have a better life. Again, I listened with my heart, affirming this young mother’s dreams and rejoicing to see how her growing hope was transforming even her living conditions.
Let’s Reach Out! What can we followers of Jesus do to help those who live behind visible or invisible bars of despair? First of all, it is crucial that we pray for them! And then, each in our own way, we can reach out. Some of us can volunteer in prisons. Others can minister through pen pal programs for prisoners; this is another way of listening and encouraging. Or we can offer a ministry of presence to families and ex-prisoners by supporting programs that help meet their various needs.
Local churches can join together to create support groups where prisoners’ families can feel accepted and understood. Schools can sponsor toy drives for Christmas or “Christmas in July” benefits for families. Even small kindnesses are important. Driving and accompanying someone to visit a family member in prison is an opportunity for contemplative listening. Contributing toward one month’s phone bill, even anonymously, can relieve some stress.
Is Jesus calling you to be his eyes, his ears, his hands, his heart to someone behind bars? Why not pray about it, and see where the Spirit leads!
Dolores Chepiga, a sister of St. Joseph of Philadelphia, ministers with the St. Vincent de Paul Society of Baltimore as Coordinator of Prison Outreach.
I too have been touched by these series of articles. My son unfortuneatly is serving time in prison in Mi. I lately ,have heard him talk to me about a calling that he is experiencing& in having these thoughts, expresses them with his “bunkies” He has even gotten those who claim they have no faith.to sit and listen to how God is trying to reach out for him! He is active with the chaplin, helping out with Sun. services & has also been asked to sing .He had asked if I could contact partners ministry to find out if recreational items such as used pool tables could be donated to a prison if approved.I told him I would do the best I could. Please help me in this matter, if possible. Yours truely in Christ…...... Tom K. speak39
i would love to find out how to start a support group for families of inmates,I too have a son in prison and sometimes I wish I had the support of another parent who is going though what my family struggles with.
God Bless you Tom and your family! Iam in west Mi.My church is prince of peace in n. muskegon.
Praise God that He is omnipresent. He knows that where we find ourselves today is often the result of our nature/heart condition, our thinking, which result in our behaviors. Those in the military, our Vets and families have been subjected to great attacks on their minds through war and conflict. Healing is available for those suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Traumatic Brain Injury.
Go to http://www.recontorestoration.org
And share this resource. God has provided healing and restoration….just take it.
Am in a nursing home, 82 years old. Wife of 55 years had Alzheimer and had to be commjited. I committed myself in September, 2010. “:till death do us part”...rich or poor…good times and bad….sickness or health.
God called her home in November.
I am here for life.
I subscribed years back when money went furthur. nd I discovered WAO on the internet…..ezvery day those meditations meanty so nmuchn to me.
Now, in the nursing home, my children have acquired me a computer and prin-ter. Each day I print out a few copies of the Daily Meditation and give them to some residents who like this Daily Medication.
Hopefully my printer will not run outn of ink too quickly!
I am interested in starting a Support Group for Families/Loved ones of those that are in prison. Could you please send me any information that you may have to assist me in this.
Thank you.
Im so moved by the encounter of families of those in prison. I would like to help out if theres opportunities. Meantime i can only help to pray for them. God shows me how i can assist beside prayers.